I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
