Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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