4 words: hood of his car
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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