It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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