the condom got lost in my hair
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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