jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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