I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
