Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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