i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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