She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
