youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
