Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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