I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
