Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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