Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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