What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
