i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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