Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
