i always forget guys have bellybuttons
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Floor bacon is actually really good
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
