Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have aggressive nipples.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
