i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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