I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
