I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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