yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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