just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
