you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
