If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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