I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
