How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
