i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I believe in your delicious
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
