This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
