you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
