Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
