You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize