No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
