i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
