dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
