I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
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