Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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