so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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