i always forget guys have bellybuttons
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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