he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
