While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
