He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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