I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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