After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
