I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
