Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize