Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize