I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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