apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize