dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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