at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
