I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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