I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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