Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
