I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
