Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
BRING THE BAGELS
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
