Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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