So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
