Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
