I'm going to rape someone's good day.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
