If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
