how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize