You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
