I cockslap morals
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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