I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I deserve this hangover.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
